Paranoia
by Pleasantries and the Aftermath
Summary: In which Sasuke questions the paternity of their child and Sakura must refrain from bashing her head into a wall. Sasusaku.


A/N: Random idea I came up with a few minutes ago. Written to see how rusty my skills have gotten. I'm so bad now. OTL (Dated Nov. 2009)

Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto, because if I did, someone would've punched some sense into Sasuke a looooong time ago.

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**Paranoia**  
by _Pleasantries and the Aftermath_

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"I don't believe this is my child, Sakura."

And for the umpteenth time that morning, Sakura sighed and rubbed her temples as their two-month old child squalled and gurgled on the changing table.

"Sasuke, we've been over this already. This is your child. You saw me pop him out. I even shattered the bones in your hand as a memory, remember?"

At her words, Sasuke unconsciously rubbed his hand. Oh yeah, he remembered. But still…

"I don't believe this is my child," he repeated resolutely.

"What?!" Sakura screeched, crushing the bottle of baby powder in her hand, causing the top to shoot off and bounce off the ceiling and their child to begin crying as fine white powder rained from the sky. "How can you not believe it?"

"Because he looks nothing like me."

At this, Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. _'Stay calm, Sakura. This is Sasuke, the man you love; the man you married, and are __**not**__ supposed to punch through a window no matter how utterly stupid he's being. __**Again.**__'_

"Will you please explain to me why you refuse to believe this is our son?" she asked, nasal bridge still pinched.

"Simple. He has pink hair. Therefore, he cannot be my child."

"What?" Sakura asked tersely before sighing. "Sasuke, in case you haven't noticed, your wife has pink hair," she said holding out the strands as evidence before urging their child to stop crying. "If it isn't from me, where did the pink hair come from?"

"I believe this child is from Suigetsu and Karin," he said with no trace of humor on his face—not that Sasuke ever had humor on his face, but still, how could he be serious about this? He couldn't honestly think this, right?

Scanning his stony-faced appearance, Sakura inwardly groaned. It was like Sai had replaced her husband. She hoped that's what happened because if it wasn't, she didn't know what she'd do.

Mistaking his wife's confused face for one wanting explanation, he continued. "Suigetsu and Karin have gotten together in recent years, as you remember, and both parties have not been shy about their sex life together. Also, Suigetsu has white hair while Karin's is bright red, and since we know red and white to make pink and our child does not look like me in the slightest while having pink hair, I believe that child is not mine, but theirs. As soon as you're ready, we'll return him to his rightful parents and complain to the hospital. "

Satisfied with his explanation, Sasuke nodded to himself. Surely, Sakura could see the wisdom in his words. Unfortunately for him, all Sakura could see was the insides of her eyelids as she tried to reason with herself that her husband wasn't crazy (anymore). I mean, did he miss the green eyes on their baby entirely?!

Feeling the world still reeling under her feet from the sheer delusion her husband obviously suffered from, she gripped the changing table to steady herself and let out a shaky breath, making a note to pray to Kami to restore her affected husband. But first thing's first…

"No matter what you say, I'm still changing Satoshi's diaper. He stinks and I'm not leaving a poor infant in such distress."

At this, Sasuke's eyes widened in an emotion akin to horror, before steeling himself and approached his wife. "No, I'll change him. It's the least I can do before we return him."

And with that, Sasuke approached the table and, biting his lip in apprehension, began to pull down the lip of the diaper.

"Oh…he's quite well-endowed. Are they all like that?"

Sakura shook her head. "No, he's above average," she replied before pushing her stunned husband aside to finish the job of changing their son, depositing the dirty diaper in the waste bin before setting forth with a clean one. From the side, Sasuke continued to look shell-shocked.

"Oh…" he eventually managed, "How come I never—"

"You never changed him," Sakura explained, pecking him on the cheek with their freshly-changed son in her arms.

Realization finally dawning on him, his shocked expression slowly melted into a smile as he tickled their son's stomach. "That's my boy," he said proudly.

Sakura merely rolled her eyes. Men.


End file.
